ok. 3 things & a goal...

Here's the focus for self-improvement right now:

1. Exercise: lifting weights 3 times a week, getting good cardio in 5 days a week.
2. Eat/drink healthier: drinking the right amount of water, eating food that is more nutricious than the processed fast food junk.
3. Maintaining a reasonable standard of cleanliness for my house: not being paranoid about unexpected visitors & letting them come into the house.

I feel like for normal people, these are not outrageous goals but if I'm not intentional about my focus, all three slip away so fast.

Tonight I'm going to focus on house cleaning. Hardcore. If I get brave, I'll post some before and after pictures. Truthfully, I fear judgement. We'll see.


AND... this is the goal I picked for myself last night while walking and running. By my birthday in the middle of August, I want to be able to run a mile without stopping to walk.

That sounds so silly and unhealthy that I can't even think of running a mile today without stopping. Last night I was proud because I ran a lap around the indoor track. That was 1/8 of a mile. I know for healthy people, running a mile probably seems like nothing but for me it will be an accomplishment. Maybe I'll work up to something more past then. I have no idea on a time length for this mile, and honestly, even if it's the world's slowest jog 4 times around an outdoor track, I'll still feel a sense of accomplishment.

I can tell some progress. The scale shows just a tiny loss, but my clothes are starting to feel baggy. Ah, hope... :)

rawrrr!

Considering this past week, I'd give myself a solid B on effort as far as working out and eating better goes. Yesterday was a typical B sort of day.

I had planned to get up and hit the gym before going to work at 9. At 5:00, Haiku woke me up. It was raining but starting to turn to daylight and a cat's gotta eat. So I threw some food in his bowl and then went back to bed, knowing that it was a 5 in the morning sort of choice: get up crazy early or go back to sleep, fairly certain that the alarm would go off at 6:30 and I would be mid-dream, unwilling to get out of bed. I woke up again at 8:15-- just enough time to shower and head to work.

Monday is fancy coffee day in my world. I've switched to sugar free and skim in my latte, but I can't quit the coffee just yet. Since I was running late-ish, I grabbed a muffin at the coffeehouse instead of taking time to make breakfast at home. Boo.

I was a slacker at work. Funny how an early wake up and work out makes me more efficient the rest of the day. Without that, it's extra hard to be productive. After work, I headed home knowing I should go work out before settling in for the night. I was a rebel, though. I didn't want to sweat and have to shower.

The workout place closes at 8... it was close to 7 when, walking past a mirror, I caught my reflection. I was wearing my narwhal shirt that says "rawrrr" and that was enough... If I'm going to have a RAWRRR kind of life, I need a little more discipline. I need focus.

So I did a night workout instead. And it was late, but it was good. And even with the muffin and the sleeping in, I still think that's a B sort of day. I slept in again today, so that means after work I'll have to head to the Wellness Center and work out with the other after work worker outers.

Progress, though... right? Clothes are getting a bit baggy...and though my resolve wavers, I haven't given up yet. :)

I hope you have a RAWRRR kind of day!

accepting responsibility

I realized something this past week and it's rocked me to my core: I can't blame my parents anymore.

It's so easy to blame them. I have been shaped by their genetics and as a response to their parenting. I would be someone completely different if Mom wasn't Mom and Dad wasn't Dad. Three out of four grandparents had diabetes. Both of my great-grandmothers on my Dad's side of the family were obese. I know I have their genes.

And both Mom and Dad taught me as a child to turn to food as comfort and as a reward. At Dad's we ended most nights with a huge bowl of ice cream. At Mom's the snacks flowed freely and food was convenient, not always healthy.

While I would rather blame genetics and learned habits, the truth is I am 30. No matter what has brought me here, no matter what happened in my past, I am the one responsible for how I am today. I am old enough to see that when habits are not healthy, I have the opportunity to make different choices and to fight those habits.

I can't do anything about genetics except be aware of what I'm made of and fight like hell to postpone the diabetes and other health issues until I'm an old lady.

That said, I'm on a four day streak of eating reasonably healthy food. Other than a latte today, I haven't had caffeine for the past 3 days. I'm excited to throw blueberries on my salad tonight because I did that last night and it was super good.

Four days isn't much, but it's the beginning of better habits.

Now to head home to change into work out clothes and hit the gym. Tonight I will be brave enough to try the weight machines.

groceries

yipee! i bought groceries tonight. i now have blueberries, a bunch of different colored peppers, bananas, wheat bagels, yogurt, and eggs!

i might actually cook for myself in my kitchen. that's all.